pjrv : Messages : 166-166 of 4038
Date: Thu Jul 18, ?00? 9:08 am
Subject: Archmed: Fear of Psi #? dennanm
It was late last night, but I had to go back in to work more with
'fear of psi' arch. I'd been putting it off which is only a sign it
First I went to this house I have over past a canyon in my sacred
space. I put some energy into its reality as a thoughtform. Just as I
was about to turn to the door, I SAW a guide.
SAW him! Visually! Totally clear! For the first time in my whole
life! I have 'felt' guides. Once in awhile I can hear like ? words
if they say them quick. I block them - I feel the block - drives me
nuts but that's the way it was. I held onto the visual while I said
over and over in my head, oh my god! I can see him! I can really SEE
him! Oh my god!
I finally said TO him, "I - I can SEE you!! How come I can see
you?" And he said, "Because you are ready for me." I lost the
meaning of this because then I was going, "Oh my god! I can HEAR you
too!" LOL. I have the attention span of my 5 year old...
Well after a bit, I decided I needed to get to it (the med? ). He was
cleaned off and out and through but nowhere near being a good
relationship. So I got myself TO him finally which was a huge effort
of will. And I reached for him and put my hands on him and held him
close in front of me though he clearly didn't want to be there.
Suddenly I had this huge fear, "My fish! I forgot to feed my fish!
They will die! Oh, NO!" -- and I said, "Knock it off! I will not
let go of you." I refocused on him.
Suddenly I felt this surge of fear and actual pain in my stomach and
thought, "My servers! I forgot to send the money for my servers!
This is terrible! Oh, NO!" -- and I said, "I will not let go of
you!" and tightened my grip.
I went through about 1? things like this! One by one, every possible thing,
every fear, came up in my gut like a hard kick, like I had to let go and focus
on something else, but I refused.
Somewhere in there I had this insight that somehow... a lot of "little fears" in
my life actually stem from HIM. From the fear of psi. I am not real clear on
how. I'm constantly redirecting it into other things in life.
Then fleas were biting me. Then I had terrible itches. Then I had
major stomach/pelvic abreactions. My mind tried to go elsewhere.
This finally pissed me off to the point that I sat up and forward
with my eyes wide opened and just locked the visualization in an
overlay over the room around me, so I would not be so easily led
away mentally as I am with eyes closed, and every time something
bothered me I just dealt with it and then re-affirmed, holding him
close, "I am not afraid of you! I will not let go of you!"
Then I said, "Give up. I am not letting go. I will work through
you, I will integrate you, I will NOT be afraid."
And for the first time -- archs I fear, I almost never see clearly -- his face
came into visual (more concept than vision? ). His eyes looked into mine, and
changed radically into these large, orange, vertical-pupil'd cat eyes, the kind
the cat-eyed lizard guys have, the hard-core telepath reptilians that seem to
think this planet is their property, I knew them way back. I stomped on the fear
and held steady and said, "You are alien. You are AN alien... I know that *I*
am alien. This doesn't scare me! I will not be afraid of psi! I am not afraid
of being alien! I am not afraid!"
Then his mouth came into sense, and this long, snaky forked tongue came out and
waved around in my face and I said, "I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU! You are reptilian!
-- You are the "ancient brain" -- I know that! I am a reptile, so FINE! -- I am
not afraid! I will BE whatever I am -- I AM!"
Then his mouth opened up, and I saw stars and galaxies inside, and it kept
opening impossibly huge, as if there was this impossibly vast universe of
infinity inside him and I would be infinitely insignificant and utterly lost,
and I dug in my heels and held him tighter and yelled in my head, "I am not
afraid! I have died in that universe - I have been more dead than this body can
dream - I have been dissolved at the ego-core -- I AM! My consciousness will
NOT die, nothing dies, it can only change, and I'm willing! I will change! I
am all things! I am that universe! You cannot scare me!"
This went on... I don't remember everything about each stage, but it
was so drawn out. I refused to be scared by anything, or more
accurately, I should say I just dealt with the fear and refused to
give into it because it all DID spark me... I insisted on accepting
everything as something I was willing to integrate, and I held onto
his shoulders and would not let him get away.
I turned to my inner guide (the one with me for such meds? ) and
said, "I need help! What am I supposed to DO with him?! I need
some process that will help integrate us, but I don't know what to
do!" And I continued fighting to hold on and focus on the arch. I
finally had an idea but it was different than normal. Usually in
these meds, you do something that affects the archetype. You fix
it, change it, heal it, whatever.
The idea was something that actually affected ME as much as the
archetype (first time I've had that? ), a sort of tube of light rings
we stood in, and piece by piece starting at the head, it dissolved
each of us into the finest particles, then 'cleaned out' the 'space
between them', and then merged them into a single body in the
middle. Until we were done, and I was it.
And I looked down at my hands, and they almost seemed to grow into long-finger
claw-like hands, and I remembered this symbology from when I was 19 and these
entities were hanging out in my room, I was a total skeptic but talked to them
since they were there and it seemed rather pointless to argue that obvious fact
(!? ), and my preacher tried to convince me it was 'spiritual warfare', until
finally one of them in exasperation at my insisting they were some kind of evil
gave me that imagery and freaked me out and I told them to leave and never come
back (and my psi of that time in my life went with them, by the way, I hadn't
realized that until this med; it came back like a cycle years later? ).
I looked at my hand and went ahead and further imagined it in that claw form and
said to myself inside, as I was now him too, "I. Am. Not. Afraid.!"
It took me like 5 cycles of the TMI focus1? CD to do this and I finally had to
turn it off entirely -- it was that hard to stay focused and get TO it.
And to think, when I began this 'fear of psi' as an archetype meditation idea, I
thought it'd be a little thing I would just cover 'in case' it related to my
seeming self-blocked from awareness.
OK. So I'm an alien ancient-brain reptilian in the insignificance of infinity.
It's just another day.
pjrv : Messages : 167-174 of 4038
Date: Thu Jul 18, ?00? 11:49 am
Subject: Re: Archmed: Fear of Psi #? nitahickok
I have done something similar with the nordic runes, and also with the
tree of life spheres. I also did something like that for a few indian
methods that I wanted to try.
You are right about learning life altering things and it helping you to
find who you are and what you are about. I may try that with a few things I
have worries about and tell you about them.
Half the spiritual life consists in remembering what we are up against and
where we are going.
Ayya Khema "When the Iron Eagle Flies."
Moderator's Note: I'd like to hear about them. -- PJ (aka DennanM? )
Date: Thu Jul 18, ?00? 1?:50 pm
Subject: Re: Archmed: Fear of Psi #? jsentient
I believe fear (of anything? ) is the most powerful nemesis of the human
spirit. Where does it originate, why is it part of us? One could come up
with theoretical value in terms of evolutionary / survival thinking, but at
the spiritual level much more is going on. I don't have the answers, but
your med experience reminded me of a lucid dream I once had.
In my dream the thought came to me that just beyond my senses the ultimate
evil incarnate was available,,,,as if just beyond a door,,,,,and it was as
your arch, it was in anthropomorphic form. I was young and felt confident,
stronge and secure. I thought "I don't care, it can't hurt me, and I am not
afraid, will not be intimidated." In fact I felt so much so that I
challenged the evil to face me, to take me on. Haha, must be a stupid guy
Anyway it responded immediately. It's face appeared in front of mine, just
inches away. It was ultra sudden and most definitely autonomous. Instantly,
overwhelming fear froze my heart. It was intense and it makes me shake to
remember it. It has been years since this dream and I am finding my palms
sweating as I recall and type this out. I wanted out. It was a lucid dream,
I knew that (probably in part why I felt so damned smug at the start? ). But I
could not change this confrontation. I could not make him go. Worse, I
could not wake. In fact, I experienced sleep paralysis. My heart was
beating so hard I thought it would explode. I felt I was about to
die,,,,from him,,,,via fear. My fear felt fatal.
I sensed in a way he was amused and enjoyed my reaction, but at the same time
I knew this was not really true. This entity could not really enjoy
anything,,,,,,,,hate emanated from him. Power also eminated from him. He
was omni, total and pure in what he was.
Micro seconds of consciousness seemed to last forever, as if time slowed
down. Eventually, I decided to stop trying, a recognition (not quite an
acceptance? ) of inability to control or escape. Once I did that I was
I woke with a cold sweat. Today I can't say I made a victory, can't say I
"integrated", and well, don't have any revealing conclusions.
Your meditation post brought that memory back -- seems to have some
BTW, in line with this subject, my favorite movie, "Joe Vs. the Volcano" is
all about fear. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in fear (Tom
Hanks & Meg Ryan star? ).
Fear is a bigger part of my life these days as compared to when I was half my
current age (and had this dream? ). But fear of PSI I do not have. My wife
however is afraid of my ability and exploration of PSI. She'd be happier if
I left it alone.
#174 From: joan003....net
Date: Fri Jul 19, ?00? 7:5? pm
Subject: Re: Archmed: Fear of Psi #? joanie003
Hey there Jay :-? ) (and all? )
Always nice to see you pop up and out!!! how are ya guy?
What I got out of it and this is MY projection only...is that fear is part
of the human condition and by just letting it be what it is, it somehow is
released? Maybe it's not something that even needs to be accepted... Well
I just loved hearing your dream experience/process...I think I've heard you
share the same before - some time ago, but probably got something different
out of it this time.
I'll share a brief one. We did a journey on "facing fear" and this is what
came to me...pretty simple and I suppose in context to whatever I was
fearing at that time in my life... but what came to me was: I bit into an
onion and breathed on anything/anyone I feared!!! LOL...sorry I'm laughing
about this... just after this, I recalled a movie I'd seen where some guys
were trying to smuggle someone over a border and this is one of the
techniques they used to help them get through the border patrol. He takes
a BIG BITE out of an onion and chomps on it, then breaths on the border
patrol guards...totally right up in their faces.
I thought weeeelllll that's pretty symbolic as well being an onion and
all...ya know the "garlic" family.
sometimes messages come in very simple ways...ya gotta love the "Spirits"
as I call them.
I respect fear and acknowledge the gift of fear....of our being able to
feel and know it. I consider it a wake up call to danger. There's
rational fear and irrational fear...it's irrational fear that can get us in
trouble, but rational fear helps us to stay away from trouble. I think we
are called to discern between these two. Well exercises in sensing
ambience may assist with this.